This essay is an attempt to speak calmly about an experience that I just want to rant about. The subject is important to me, but I’ve challenged myself not to indulge in another rant that will only make my allies feel good and alienate anyone who disagrees. Feel free to rate my attempt (1-10, 10 best) and leave a comment.
I love BCF. The people are caring and dear to me. We’re all fallen, and we all have problems, but this church functions through that, which is what the church is to do anyway. I think it’s wonderful that a team of people from the church take turns leading the service, both in the pulpit and at the piano. I do not mean to criticize in thinking I could or would do better. In fact, I played oboe in church today and I didn’t do so hot. Every time I tried to make up another line I played some really bad note and chickened out. I stopped playing on Be Thou My Vision so I could sing the “riches I head not nor man’s empty praise” so I wouldn’t think so much about how I was messing up and what people would think of me. Still, I would have loved to have played a nice counter melody but the harmony was different from what I was used to. The point is, I’m a profession and I messed it up, so I don’t like to point out the mistakes or the oversights of others. I don’t know how much of today was oversight and what they would have done differently in hind sight, but I’m pretty sure it’s a philosophical difference and not a matter of a mistake. Perhaps this long introduction is worse than a rant.
Allow me to dream a moment. If we didn’t have to worry about any technical details or practicalities what would the ideal worship service look like in terms of age roles? We worship as the family of God and so I think we should worship together in the family unit as well. We don’t send women, or the poor, or the elderly away for part of the service, so why the children? (Remember, we’re in an ideal world for the moment.) We are all children of God and Jesus said let the little ones come to me. I think this goes without saying. If you don’t agree that ideally the children worship together with their families and with the body of believers as a whole then you should stop reading now.
Coming back to reality, what are some reasons to send the kids away? Well, at BCF the sermons are 45 minutes and very intellectually difficult even for adults. We have no Sunday school time so the service is the only time to gather and teach the children separately. Whether that’s necessary or not is a whole different debate, but it doesn’t matter here since many churches have a separate Sunday school time anyway and still send the kids away from the service (I really wanted to say kick them out, but that wouldn’t be nice. Does this count as a slip? Oh, this is hard).
The nice thing about a liturgical service is that there is so much going on children never have to stay still for very long. The whole congregation sits and stands and sings and reads and prays and passes the peace and shares communion and some noise here or there from children who still have the joy of life doesn’t interrupt anything. One big advantage to this is that the children see fully and truly what the adults do every week. They might not understand it all yet, but they are seeing the real thing and are learning. They are soaking it in every Sunday whether they sit and color in the pew or sit still in attention.
Speaking of attention, what about the sermon? I’ll just say I’ve been to churches where the children stay in the service and do just fine. I think Sunday school is the better place for an intellectual analysis and debate, though they often fail to provide this. In this sense I’m grateful for the rigor of BCF sermons, so I deal with the fact that it happens in the middle of worship rather than in Sunday school where I can ask questions right away. Still, can children learn anything from a sermon directed at adults? If your answer is no then I disagree with how you think both children and adults should be addressed. This gets into my opinion of what a sermon (verses a Sunday school class or lecture) should be, which is not my main point so I won’t go there. I will take the time to address how we speak to our children. In a total rip off from my parents I abhor talking to children like they’re stupid in that high, sing-songy voice of condescension. Note that I did not actually say the person who does this is necessarily condescending. It’s a hard habit to break even if you agree it’s not a good way to talk to kids. Even putting that point aside, we should be very careful with what and how we teach our children. If we use poor logic and faulty reasoning to arrive at a truth we wish to illustrate have we done them a service? If we lead them to specific answers that we’re fishing for have we trained them to follow the Lord and his Word or have we trained them to blindly follow and please any authority figure they meet?
Now that you know my opinions on the matter a simple description of the service will reveal exactly where I have problems. Today was a special family service where the children stayed in the whole service. Most of the time the children sat in the front two rows away from their parents. There were four children’s sermons: to official ones broken up by a hymn and two mini-ones to introduce the offering and communion. During open prayer we were asked to keep our prayers simple since the children were present. This bothered me perhaps most of all even though I remember being bored through the long theological expositions disguised as prayers of my church growing up. We are praying to the living God. Let the children come to me; let the children hear adults speak with their Father. I think I understand the point of the instruction and see the motive was good, but it was at that point that I realized what was so uncomfortable about the whole service. Why change everything we do because children are with us? Why can’t they see what we do? Why treat them like they cannot meet God as we do each Sunday? If we think the children can’t get it, then I think it’s a safe bet that most of the adults aren’t getting it either. What is “it” anyway? What is the purpose of coming together as a body to worship the Living God? I’ve not even asked any questions related to a visiting non-believer.
Wow, I didn’t rant and I’m actually calmer than I was before, whereas ranting gets me even more passionate. Duh, who’da thunk it?
I think you should quit apologizing for you passion. You are always polite, even when you think you are ranting. I would hope that those who disagree with you wouldn't be alienated, but challenged to present another viewpoint.
Then again, your blog has produced lots of good discussion, and mine hasn't, so maybe I'm not the best one to speak on how to inspire reasoned response.
Our BCF doesn't have Sunday school or children's church. All the people stay in the service together. There are play rugs and chairs in the back for the very youngest. But pretty much anyone 3 or older sits in the "pews" (rows of chairs.) There is a children's sermon every week, which is sometimes good and sometimes not, for any listener. The regular sermons are deep enough to challenge, yet not out of reach to children.
Before we started attending, our friends were, and the sermons were on Revelation (not really an easy topic, eh?) The father told Jon he could ask the boys whatever he wanted to, so he gave a little quiz. He mainly aimed at the 6 year old, but usually the 3.5 year old would chime in with the answer.
Of course we're not perfect, but I'm telling you so you know it is possible.
Elijah learned on Mt. Horeb that God wasn't in the storm and He wasn't in the earthquake. It can be harder for us to learn, sometimes, that God isn't in a system or a logical order. He's outside our expectations.
And just because a church is just right for you doesn't make it perfect. Churches, as we all know, are made of people, who are imperfect. If you found the perfect church and joined, it would then be imperfect because of you. I think the question is not whether or not this is the perfect method for church or children. The question is whether or not God is pleased with the church's efforts.
While I've attended a variety of different kind of services in my life, I didn't grow up in overly structured churches. I have a more organic, integrated kind of theology and comfort level in church, but that's as much of a product of my relationship with the Lord as it is of the way I was raised.
Do the children (of any church) see the Lord in you? Are they learning to relate to the Lord on their own? Or do they depend on their parent's faith? Nicole C. Mullins wrote a song in which she warns "You can't keep living on your granny's angel. It's about time you got one of your own." Not the most articulate theological point ever made, but the heart of your essay.
It's pretty unlikely that you've found fellowship in a church that doesn't seek to serve and please the Lord. Some people do this through kind service, some through thoughtful debate, some through passionate prayer. Whether considering how a church service looks to a member, a child, or a visitor, the crux of the matter is always whether or not the Lord is recognized there. And, for the children, whether or not they learn to make Him their own.
I can't resist quoting this from Don Aslett's book, How to Handle 1,000 Things at Once. He's talking about home management, but churches could learn much from this attitude.
Managing the "little monsters"
Right there is the first mistake we make dealing with kids in our efforts to "fit family into the action." They aren't monsters, and they are the action. Kids are the biggest and best part of the thousands of things we are handling in life, not one more obstacle or appendage to what we are doing. You don't manage kids, they are too smart and move too fast for any of us. You don't train kids, either — you train animals. Our only choice (right and rewarding choice, that is) is to lead and allow children.... You don't make room for kids, they take it. You add them into, not onto your life. Kids don't respond to what is said, only to what they see you do. So lead them in the course you expect of them, be what you want them to be and be it with them. Don't day care them, day share them.... Being bored, mischievous, or underfoot isn't a child's weakness, it's the parents'. Kids tend themselves once they are fueled with direction and example.
One of Joyful's friend's blog linked to this article: A Child's Place http://www.method-combination.net/blog/archives/2007/09/07/a-childs-place.html
Serina's blog sure has caused a flurry of comments representing some different perspectives. I'll give the links for those interested and also so I can practice my first lesson in HTML. Ganbarimasu! This post has all the comments to her original post (where she had the link to the article I posted above). This post is new and has links to various essays on the topic.
