IrishOboe

‘Way back in September I gave an incomplete review of Mortimer Adler’s “How to Read a Book” and said that last point would have to wait.  It’s a topic rather dear to my heart, so I find it hard to find the right words to express it.  I've worked on this part on and off for a while and I’m not in a position right now to do it real justice, so I’ll just have to settle on some quotes and comments.  Sorry to disappoint those who wanted more, but if I don’t get something in before the baby comes it won’t happen at all!

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There are many thoughts flying about my head, but Joseph’s nap won’t last forever and there are more important things to do, like prepare ourselves to welcome the Savior of the world.

But Stephan’s 7-takes lead me to an article which I think is as important as it is horrifying: Mother’s who decide not to be mothers anymore.  Full-time mothering is tough no matter what outside commitments you have.  It’s difficult to express all that goes into it being a very demanding and stressful job, especially when it’s much better to focus on all the joys it brings.  Yet I think it’s dangerous to underplay the difficulties to women who are not yet mothers.  They need to count the cost.  Examples of women who found it to be too much to give up their careers and so much time and energy can be a good way to hit home the sobering truth of just how tough a job it is without having to whine all the time trying to express it.  It can also be an encouragement and warning to current mothers: don’t take on more than you can handle outside the home.  Your work inside is of infinite importance and is not “nothing” but requires an incredible amount of energy and strength – even if people around you don’t ever “get it.”

I’m still slowly making my way through “The Habit of Being” (the letters of Flannery O’Connor) and since I won’t be reading it again I thought I’d record some of the gems I find here

 

“I don’t like to criticize the work of people who are strangers to me.  You never know when something you may say might make them go jump in the lake.  I don’t mean I go around saying things that make people jump in the lake, but you might just step on a deep wound or something.” (page 396)

 

I've long been wanting to write about joy and how husbands can encourage or distroy it in their wives and to thank my husband for all the emotional work he's put into understaning me (though it took us both many months (years?) of work!).  My sister wrote a post on joy that I decided to comment on rather than write my own post.  If you're interested you can read it all here.

I recently mentioned that Dr. James Schall failed in only one book recommendation so far, but that is not wholly true.  I run into a few jems while reading “The Habit of Being” (the letters of Flannery O’Connor) which is why it is still my bathroom reading.  I came across a quote I’d like to share because I identify with it, but I’m sharing it mostly because I know my mother will identify with it even more than I do.  It’s worth mentioning as an aside the lost art of letter writing.  The book is nearly 600 pages long and not nearly all her letters were published.  The lady she is writing to here is a dear friend she met through the mail and hardly ever got to see in person, and yet they shared at the deepest level.  Sometimes I yearn for the days before Facebook, email and cell phones!  “Water, water everywhere but not a drop to drink” comes to mind.  But on to the quote:

“After the interview with the Time man I am very much aware of how hard you have to try to escape labels.  He wanted me to characterize myself so he would have something to write down.  Are you a southern writer? What kind of Catholic are you? etc.  I asked him what kinds of Catholics there were.  Liberal or conservative, says he.  All I did for an hour was stammer and stutter and all night I was awake answering his questions with the necessary qualifications and reservations.   Not only will I look like Bishop [the idiot child in her novel “The Violent Bear it Away” and a reference to the photos the Time photographer took] but will sound like him if he could talk.”

The other day I was walking back home after taking Joseph for a swim when I saw a garbage man sweeping up spilled garbage with a broom and dustpan.  I’m always seeing Swiss state employees cleaning up the messes people leave around and it’s made me re-think the idea that the Swiss are clean.  Are they any cleanlier than other folks or do they just pay for people to pick up the mess?  Probably they feed on each other, as folks are less likely to trash a place that’s clean than one that’s already messy.  But for whatever the reason, I appreciate Swiss cleanliness, especially now that I have a child who wants to explore everything on the ground.  Thinking of all this in the time it took me to reach the man cleaning up the mess I decided to thank him.  He looked up from his work startled and speechless but recovered just in time to say “bitte” before I was out of ear shot.  His look said to me “Why are you thanking me?  I’m just doing my job, lady.”  Well, in some countries, a garbage man’s job description doesn’t include cleaning up after irresponsible citizens who can’t pack garbage properly.  He might never have imagined that garbage men around the world are any different from him.  Why would he unless he’d spent significant time in another place or talking with foreigners?  I appreciated his graciousness despite my odd and unnecessary thanks.  It occurred to me that musicians have to learn this graciousness from an early age.  We’re thanked for doing our job much more than the average garbage man and our natural reaction is something like “We’re just doing our job and that comment shows you know nothing about it.”  Mom taught me that that’s not nice.  We have to learn to say “thank you” and be content knowing that doing our job brightened someone’s day.  That’s a compliment anyone should be happy to receive.

. . . is another smashing hit for Dr. James Schall, author of “Another Sort of Learning: Selected Contrary Essays on How Finally to Acquire an Education While Still in College or Anywhere Else: Containing Some Belated Advice about How to Employ Your Leisure Time When Ultimate Questions Remain Perplexing in Spite of Your Highest Earned Academic Degree, Together with Sundry Book Lists Nowhere Else in Captivity to Be Found.

I’ve picked a number of books from his list and only one has disappointed me (but I’m still reading it – it’s been in the bathroom nearly two years and is several inches thick).  All the others have been challenging, refreshing, and well worth the read.  I was nervous about “How to Read a Book” since it sounds a bit boring and even my mother couldn’t get through it, but I have achieved a childhood dream: I’ve completed and even appreciated a book that my neither my mother, nor my sister, nor my father had ever read.  I remember trying to read “Little Women” once because nobody else had read it and it look like a big, adult thing to read.  I didn’t last a few pages, but with How to Read a Book I was riveted nearly from the start enough to find the time even as a young mother to read it in about a month.

This review, however, is longer in coming because I don’t know how to do it well.  I’ll take the cop out and say I won’t try.  I’ve mentioned on Stephan’s blog how it gave me permission to intelligently skim through books that I suspected weren’t worth the time it would take to read them thoroughly.  Adler’s commendation to “read well, not widely” gives me permission to pick a few good books, keep them around, and know them well rather than worry about covering all that’s out there – an especially difficult task when I don’t live in an English speaking country and have limited access to English books.  I’m a slow reader and various attempts to learn to speed read have all failed, but Adler points out that every part of every written document requires more or less speed.  There is no one right speed.  Some things require a very slow reading or you do it an injustice – like the Bible.  Others require a fast reading or you’re wasting your time.  Even within the same book some parts need a more careful reading than others.

I keep using the phrase “gave me permission” as an attempt to express that these are things I’ve felt for a long time but haven’t been able to express or consider valid.  Adler encouraged and challenged me, and I’m excited to dive into a good book.  He has a book list as well, so between Schall and Adler I think I’ll be set for a good while.

I’ll leave you with a few quotes – less than I’ve marked, but time is limited.

First, a few that made me think of specific people:

“Ordinary conversations between persons who confront each other are good only when they are carried on civilly.  We are not thinking merely of the civilities according to conventions of social politeness.  Such conventions are not really important. [thought Jon would like that]  What is important is that there is an intellectual etiquette to be observed.  Without it, conversation is bickering rather than profitable.” p137-8

“Teachability is often confused with subservience.  A person is wrongly thought to be teachable if he is passive and pliable.  On the contrary, teachability is an extremely active virtue.  No one is really teachable who does not freely exercise his power of independent judgment. . . The most teachable reader is, therefore, the most critical.”  p140 That’s for all my teachers (especially my mom) who had to put up with my contrariness.  I’m aware I’m not the easiest student to teach, but I dare to plead this as my excuse.

“There is no more irritating fellow than the one who tried to settle an argument about communism, or justice, or freedom, by quoting from the dictionary.  Lexicographers may be respected as authorities on word usage, but they are not the ultimate founts of wisdom.”  That’s for YKW. p.180

For parents, especially homeschoolers: “Children ask magnificent questions.  ‘Why are people?’ ‘What makes the cat tick?’  ‘What’s the world’s first name?’  ‘Did God have a reason for creating the earth?’ Out of the mouths of babes comes, if not wisdom, at least the search for it.  Philosophy, according to Aristotle, begins in wonder.  It certainly begins in children, even if for most of us it stops there, too.  . . . the questions philosophers ask are simply more important than the questions asked by anyone else.  Except children.” p270+291

And now, for a topic dear to my heart.  I’ve long wondered why some conversations work and others don’t.  Why? Where did it go wrong?  What could I have done differently?  Why do some people understand me so well and others never seem to?  How can I better make people feel understood and not attacked?  (An accusation I’ve born with sadness all my life.)  How do you tell people you love that they’ve hurt you without hurting them?  Why can’t people in American talk about politics without yelling but people in Europe do it all the time?  The list could go on and on.  Adler has a section about agreeing or disagreeing with the author of the book you’re reading, but it could easily be an introduction on how to have a good conversation.  At least my from my point of view.  I’m quite convinced that there are a good number of people out there who would find other points more important.  If you care about the topic, I’d love to hear your thoughts.  But alas, it is time for bed, and I’ll have to make a separate post for it.  I’m not at all sure if anyone will be holding his breath . . .

There's one more part of the book I'd like to bring out, but it's time for bed so it will have to wait for another post.

Part II is now availible.

I’ve been making more of a point to read recently, and “The Plug-In Drug” happened to be the book of choice.  I found it an encouragement to keep on limiting my computer time and focus on getting “real” things done.  I know computer work is real work too, but it tends to suck and suck and suck and give diminishing returns on investment and I hate that feeling.  Of course the book is mostly talking about TV, but author Maire Winn says the same goes for all electronic media.  She has many insightful things to say, but is not bashing people with TV’s or people who like the time they spend with electronic media.  In her conclusion she writes

“Television’s attraction is so powerful precisely because it gratifies the passive side of human nature that everyone is endowed with in differing degrees.  Thus an important step toward a more satisfying family life is to become aware of this passive pull, to assess its power, and to consciously struggle against it.  For most parents this requires a true dedication to the family over all personal pursuits, and a firm resolve to make their children’s childhood a rich and distinctive experience, one that will serve as a resource for the rest of their lives.” (Page 298)

Covey would call the passive pull our draw to “quadrant IV” activities: those that are not important and not urgent, but we often find ourselves there because we’re exhausted and need a break.

I see in much of her urging more support for my desire to homeschool.  That is how I envision making our “children’s childhood a rich and distinctive experience.”  This is probably the furthest thing from Winn’s mind, but that’s the power of books and ideas.  You never know where people will take them.

One such implicit endorsement for homeschooling occurs when she describes the importance of free-time in a child’s life.

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My attempt to imbed a video:

Video Link

In this TED talk by behavior economist Daniel Kahneman there is a fair bit of psychological talk that I’m not sure I get, but his discussion of the difference in happiness of our “experiencing selves” and our “remembering selves” gave me some insight into what to expect from childbirth.  An example of how these two selves see happiness differently, he tells a story of a man who listened to 20 minutes of glorious music only to have a horrible sound come at the very end, which he claims ruined the whole experience.  Of course it had no influence on the 20 minutes of enjoying his experiencing self had had, but all he was left with was his memory, so his remembering self could only look on the experience as a bad one.  The fact that the end experience influences greatly the view of the whole experience given by the remembering self lead me to the conclusion that I cannot use any descriptions given by mothers to prepare myself for what childbirth will be like as I actually experience it.  I fully intend to forget all the pain and remember the most beautiful moment in the world when my tiny baby is placed in my arms, and maybe living that future memory in my head during labor will decrease the discomfort (a lovely word often used to describe labor pains) for my experiencing self, but it’s unclear how much this knowledge can change the happiness of the two selves.

As for earning money, at the end of the video Kahneman shares a statistic that shows that the less one earns per year the more unhappy the experiencing self is.  The catch is that once income reaches $60,000 (for an American) the line is flat: there is no increase in experiential happiness.  It’s all in the head: the happiness of the remembering self still continues to increases with increasing income.  So I say get your satisfaction with your life from other sources and you’ve saved yourself years of work at the office.  Use the extra time to make a load of memorable experiences and the happiness of the remembering self (the one we mostly live out of and base or view of ourselves and our lives on) will be better than a millionaire! 
 

Here lies, extinguished in his prime,

a victim of modernity:

but yesterday he hadn't time---

and now he has eternity.

 

-Piet Hein, poet and
scientist (1905-1996)

I know I should be getting ready for my folks - they come in 12 hours - wahoo!!  I saw this statement praised, but it scares me.  It doesn't sound like Biblical wisdom either.  I'm for creative imagination and brilliance, but it needs to be tempered by wisdom.  It does not equal wisdom.  Can you think of any leaders who were creative and brilliant and did a lot of damage?  I think that's important for a presedential candidate to understand.

 "[C]reative imagination . . . coupled with brilliance, equals wisdom."

My beloved nerdy family subscribes to A Word of the Day.  One would hope that would make me more articulate, but the part of the daily mailing that I enjoy the most is the quote.  I save ones I like and today I thought I'd share it with the world.  It expresses a sentement that I've had since at least high school.

The older I grow, the more I listen to people who don't talk much. -Germain
G. Glien

I think I feel this way because I'm always talking and always have something to say and always think it's important, so I'll interrupted, talk on end, not really listen then when I finally shut up, feel the fool.

Here's to learning to shut my mouth and open my ears.

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s more of the same: concerts, lessons, discovery, joy, and not a shred of time to straighten my head out before bed.  Who can complain?  Maybe my parents since I don’t have their trip planned out yet . . .

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I overheard a comment the other day that made me shudder.  Without further comment, I leave you this food for thought.

 

“I had a vivid, crazy dream the other night.  I was walking along a very narrow path by a sharp, deep drop and I was so afraid I was going to die.  It looked so real.  Where do we get those images for our dreams?  It must be TV!”

Can you say "toy boat" quickly three times? I can't, so I included it in my list of tongue twisters my students could pick from for my Tongue Twister class. Well, one after the other said it flawlessly to my absolute shock. They had a great time watching me fail miserably at trying it. If that wasn't interesting enough, I shared this with friends at my English Free Zone and one boy (born and raised in Japan) could of course say it with no trouble. However, the boy who was born in Brazil (to Japanese parents) had the same trouble I did even though his Japanese is so good his friends didn't believe him when he said he was from Brazil. If I was getting my PhD I think I would pick this as my research topic. What makes a tongue twister hard? It's fascinating to think about. This shows that it can't simply be a matter of whether or not your tongue can get into that position or not. It appears that the lack of tongue flexibility helps the Japanese with that one. Fascinating.