IrishOboe

The other day I was walking back home after taking Joseph for a swim when I saw a garbage man sweeping up spilled garbage with a broom and dustpan.  I’m always seeing Swiss state employees cleaning up the messes people leave around and it’s made me re-think the idea that the Swiss are clean.  Are they any cleanlier than other folks or do they just pay for people to pick up the mess?  Probably they feed on each other, as folks are less likely to trash a place that’s clean than one that’s already messy.  But for whatever the reason, I appreciate Swiss cleanliness, especially now that I have a child who wants to explore everything on the ground.  Thinking of all this in the time it took me to reach the man cleaning up the mess I decided to thank him.  He looked up from his work startled and speechless but recovered just in time to say “bitte” before I was out of ear shot.  His look said to me “Why are you thanking me?  I’m just doing my job, lady.”  Well, in some countries, a garbage man’s job description doesn’t include cleaning up after irresponsible citizens who can’t pack garbage properly.  He might never have imagined that garbage men around the world are any different from him.  Why would he unless he’d spent significant time in another place or talking with foreigners?  I appreciated his graciousness despite my odd and unnecessary thanks.  It occurred to me that musicians have to learn this graciousness from an early age.  We’re thanked for doing our job much more than the average garbage man and our natural reaction is something like “We’re just doing our job and that comment shows you know nothing about it.”  Mom taught me that that’s not nice.  We have to learn to say “thank you” and be content knowing that doing our job brightened someone’s day.  That’s a compliment anyone should be happy to receive.

. . . is another smashing hit for Dr. James Schall, author of “Another Sort of Learning: Selected Contrary Essays on How Finally to Acquire an Education While Still in College or Anywhere Else: Containing Some Belated Advice about How to Employ Your Leisure Time When Ultimate Questions Remain Perplexing in Spite of Your Highest Earned Academic Degree, Together with Sundry Book Lists Nowhere Else in Captivity to Be Found.

I’ve picked a number of books from his list and only one has disappointed me (but I’m still reading it – it’s been in the bathroom nearly two years and is several inches thick).  All the others have been challenging, refreshing, and well worth the read.  I was nervous about “How to Read a Book” since it sounds a bit boring and even my mother couldn’t get through it, but I have achieved a childhood dream: I’ve completed and even appreciated a book that my neither my mother, nor my sister, nor my father had ever read.  I remember trying to read “Little Women” once because nobody else had read it and it look like a big, adult thing to read.  I didn’t last a few pages, but with How to Read a Book I was riveted nearly from the start enough to find the time even as a young mother to read it in about a month.

This review, however, is longer in coming because I don’t know how to do it well.  I’ll take the cop out and say I won’t try.  I’ve mentioned on Stephan’s blog how it gave me permission to intelligently skim through books that I suspected weren’t worth the time it would take to read them thoroughly.  Adler’s commendation to “read well, not widely” gives me permission to pick a few good books, keep them around, and know them well rather than worry about covering all that’s out there – an especially difficult task when I don’t live in an English speaking country and have limited access to English books.  I’m a slow reader and various attempts to learn to speed read have all failed, but Adler points out that every part of every written document requires more or less speed.  There is no one right speed.  Some things require a very slow reading or you do it an injustice – like the Bible.  Others require a fast reading or you’re wasting your time.  Even within the same book some parts need a more careful reading than others.

I keep using the phrase “gave me permission” as an attempt to express that these are things I’ve felt for a long time but haven’t been able to express or consider valid.  Adler encouraged and challenged me, and I’m excited to dive into a good book.  He has a book list as well, so between Schall and Adler I think I’ll be set for a good while.

I’ll leave you with a few quotes – less than I’ve marked, but time is limited.

First, a few that made me think of specific people:

“Ordinary conversations between persons who confront each other are good only when they are carried on civilly.  We are not thinking merely of the civilities according to conventions of social politeness.  Such conventions are not really important. [thought Jon would like that]  What is important is that there is an intellectual etiquette to be observed.  Without it, conversation is bickering rather than profitable.” p137-8

“Teachability is often confused with subservience.  A person is wrongly thought to be teachable if he is passive and pliable.  On the contrary, teachability is an extremely active virtue.  No one is really teachable who does not freely exercise his power of independent judgment. . . The most teachable reader is, therefore, the most critical.”  p140 That’s for all my teachers (especially my mom) who had to put up with my contrariness.  I’m aware I’m not the easiest student to teach, but I dare to plead this as my excuse.

“There is no more irritating fellow than the one who tried to settle an argument about communism, or justice, or freedom, by quoting from the dictionary.  Lexicographers may be respected as authorities on word usage, but they are not the ultimate founts of wisdom.”  That’s for YKW. p.180

For parents, especially homeschoolers: “Children ask magnificent questions.  ‘Why are people?’ ‘What makes the cat tick?’  ‘What’s the world’s first name?’  ‘Did God have a reason for creating the earth?’ Out of the mouths of babes comes, if not wisdom, at least the search for it.  Philosophy, according to Aristotle, begins in wonder.  It certainly begins in children, even if for most of us it stops there, too.  . . . the questions philosophers ask are simply more important than the questions asked by anyone else.  Except children.” p270+291

And now, for a topic dear to my heart.  I’ve long wondered why some conversations work and others don’t.  Why? Where did it go wrong?  What could I have done differently?  Why do some people understand me so well and others never seem to?  How can I better make people feel understood and not attacked?  (An accusation I’ve born with sadness all my life.)  How do you tell people you love that they’ve hurt you without hurting them?  Why can’t people in American talk about politics without yelling but people in Europe do it all the time?  The list could go on and on.  Adler has a section about agreeing or disagreeing with the author of the book you’re reading, but it could easily be an introduction on how to have a good conversation.  At least my from my point of view.  I’m quite convinced that there are a good number of people out there who would find other points more important.  If you care about the topic, I’d love to hear your thoughts.  But alas, it is time for bed, and I’ll have to make a separate post for it.  I’m not at all sure if anyone will be holding his breath . . .

There's one more part of the book I'd like to bring out, but it's time for bed so it will have to wait for another post.

Part II is now availible.

15^th: I had to pick another corn from the garden because the stalk had blown over.  This time is was nearly ripe and Joseph and I quite enjoyed it!  (Unfortunately, Stephan was out of town so he didn’t get a taste).

Joseph can now push two duplos together (with a bit of luck).

16^th: Joseph deliberately practiced standing up from sitting on the ground without pulling up on anything.  It was fascinating to see him thoughtfully experiment and then celebrate his accomplishments!  And now, just a few days later, he’s fine squatting to get a toy and then stand back up with it without help, or to get back up into walking after having fallen.

17^th: Joseph loves to look through his books and read to himself when he can’t convince anyone else to read to him.  Today he was looking through “Neighborhood Animals” that DA gave us with one animal per page spread and he very clearly read (or knew from the picture) dog, cat, duck, bird, and then less clearly some others.  They sounded like “da, ta, duh, bir” more or less.  It shouldn’t astound me, but it does!

19^th: Today I showed him how to throw something away in the kitchen trash.  A few hours later he found a speck of something on the ground, picked it up, walked over to the trash, which is under the sink, opened the door, threw the trash out and shut the door.  I was so proud of him, and the speck of whatever was too small to worry about that fact that he didn’t manage to get it all the way in the trash can . . .

He started asking for the names of things by pointing to them then after I name them he tries to say the word.  That usually lasts a few times and then it sounds like he starts saying nonsense.  I wonder if he’s trying to say “Mom, this is how I say it. Say it after me!” or something else entirely.  There are a number of times where I realize he was clearly saying something to me, but only after the fact.

He gives sweet kisses (that aren’t bites!) on request, though he doesn’t always give it to the person you name, it’s very sweet nonetheless!

Sept 3: We went to a bike fair and got a new bike for me.  Mine had lots of problems and it couldn’t carry the kid trailer, so I’ve not been biking much at all.  It’s so much better shopping with someone!

Sept 5: Joseph knows the Lord’s prayer (English) and also the sentence that Stephan usually puts at the end of his meal-time prayers (Swiss German).  He loves to jump in with “amen” just after the last word and before we say amen.  He is so proud of himself!

Sept 6: I had the ultra sounds for Baby #2.  Joseph didn’t like the doctor messing with my belly, but the doc was still able to determine that everything looks normal.

Sept 9: Joseph has rediscovered bits and asks for them a lot.  His favorite is still family, but he also likes to laugh at Mommy when she stumbles over an addition problem.

Sept 10:  I went to the Frauen Frühstück (lady’s breakfast) in Emmen (serving the greater Lucerne area).  I understood much of the talk, but I’m afraid if there was something profound I missed it.  That’s the trouble with where my language is.  I can follow along just find until something subtle is said, and then it’s lost on me.  Plus I’m still adjusting to the new dialects I hear here.  I was actually comfortable all alone in that new environment, but I still find it more awkward than restorative.  I’ve also been rethinking how I want to invest socially.  What’s the purpose of knowing people?  How many people can we realistically know?  What does “know” mean?  Are there as many answers to those questions as there are people?  This is a bullet update, so you’re spared any more on the topic.

In the afternoon we went to Swiss Steel’s Family Day and enjoyed food, pony rides (too scary), carrousel rides (a bit hit), and watching the big steel sorter crane operate.  Later in the afternoon we had a visit from Schola friend Nate, which is great.  He had a gig nearby and looked us up.  It was a pleasure!

Sept 11: We commemorated by celebrating life, love, and family.  Joseph spend the day with his grandparents and Aunt C and we picked up the filing cabinet we’d bought off ebay and then went to a wellness center (Sole Uno) for two hours.  I’d always wanted to try it, but it was super lovely to just enjoy some relaxing time with my husband.  That was babymoon #1 (we didn’t have one with Joseph).  Talk about a win-win situation!  Joseph loves being with his grandparents and they love him.  We are blessed.

Sept 14: Joseph has known for a while what “gentle” means and will softly stroke whatever it is with an open hand when you admonish him to be gentle.  He adores books and I’m trying to encourage that love without encouraging the whining that comes whenever we stop reading.  He reads the stories to himself as well and has certain intonations and expressions while reading certain books because he knows their stories.  I find it just too adorable.  DSTB might appreciate that he says “mama, mama, mama” when reading the Owl Babie’s book and he alternates soft babbling with loud babbling when reading the Big Hungry Bear (it follows “boom, boom, boom, the bear with tromp through the forest . . .” which I always read suddenly louder).  Those are two of his favorites.  Thanks for sharing with us what was special to your children!

Joseph signs “rain” and says “banana” though it sounds more like “min aye.”

Two girl friends from Basel (S+V) came for dinner while Stephan was out on a business trip so we had some girl time!

Sept 15: Joseph can notice that something rolls under the couch, then crouch down to look for it and flatten himself out so he can reach for it.  I would never have realized that those skills took such time to develop!

This morning Joseph got two more shots, poor guy, these hurt this time.

And the big news for me: Joseph is sleeping through the night now!  Since vacation he’s been getting better and now he often sleeps from 8ish to 5:30 without waking, and if he does wake he doesn’t need to nurse, he can be lulled back to sleep with singing.  This is so wonderful for me, though hard for Stephan because nursing didn’t wake him up but singing does, especially since he usually sings along.  Sleep is amazing.  I can be in bed for 7 hours and feel refreshed because the only baby waking me up is the new one resting on my bladder!

And I just discovered that Joseph can line up and close a buckle – the kind that you push in and pinch out like what’s often on backpack waste straps and the like.

Dates are not always accurate, as in some of the things Joseph started doing well before I finally wrote them down, but they’re not more than a month or so off.

Aug 16: Joseph points to things he wants and then asks for them politely by signing his “please/I want/yes/etc.” sign of clapping his hands.  Is that his first sentence?  This was also the first day back from vacation and we went right back into EC and had no misses (just one in his diaper after his nap).  The following days weren’t so good, but he hasn’t forgotten everything.

Aug 23^:  Joseph is in an annoying phase that shows his understanding of the forbidden.  When he does something he’s not supposed to he says “nei, nei, nei” (German “nein” for no).  On the one hand, it gives me a clue if I’m in another room that he’s doing something naughty, but on he other, he still does the thing he’s not supposed to!  Yet phases come and go quickly, now (Sept. 4) he is much better at obeying my vocal commands, though he still needs constant reminders.  Funny how just a few months ago it seemed impossible to teach him to obey.  Something worked, maybe!

Joseph has added a number of signs and words to his vocabulary.  His sign for cheese (he’s a Swiss boy!) is to rub his palms together in the direction of his fingers back and forth, which is not far from the real sign, which is more of a twisting motion.  He makes a tired sigh and places his hands on the sides of his head to say “nap, bedtime, sleep, etc.”  It’s so cute.  He signs a sort of “finished/play” sign when he is done eating and wants to get out of his highchair.  This is nice because he doesn’t do as much standing up in his chair as before and we can tell him to sit down and tell us if he wants to get out of his chair.  He sort of signs read, but it’s not so clear.  Sometimes it’s like his clapping (which is sometimes a finger pointing to his palm rather than clapping) and the sign for cheese one after the other, which looks a bit like “read book” but it’s not consistent.  What is consistent is that he always wants us to read him books when he’s on the potty.

Spoken words are still behind, but he now says amen after we pray.  It sounds like “may may” most of the time.  It’s SO cute!

Aug 26: Joseph climbed in and out of his stroller.  He’s now quite good at it and is getting rather bold with his adventures.  He loves being out of the apartment and climbing around on the stairs or in the gravel out front.  Often I can read a book while he does this but he can never get enough of it, asking to go outside almost as soon as we come in from being outside for a long while.

He’s walking more and more, but he’s still quite cautious about it.  He waves “hi” and “bye.”

Aug 29: He’s gotten more snuggly with age, which I must say I appreciate.  He’ll rest his head on my shoulder and give us hugs.  It was hard caring for him so much and getting so little physically affection, so I am very much enjoying this stage where he’s happy to just sit in my lap for a few minutes.

Aug 31:  At the end of our family Bible reading today Joseph said “amen” with us and it was so cute that Stephan wanted to hear it again so he said “And all God’s people said . . .” (we used to do this in middle school, the answer was supposed to be “hush” and it was to get our attention – it worked) and without skipping a beat Joseph said “minyum minyum!”  I don’t know if I’ve written it, but it has long been his word for food.

In the other news, I brought back a dairy making kit from the states and I’ve been having fun experimenting with different products.  I’ve made butter and butter milk, yogurt, lemon cheese, sour cream, and mascarpone with moderate success and so far only the cream cheese and the kefir has been a flop.  It’s somehow very fun and satisfying to make staples like butter and yogurt yourself.