Two kids, two Mother’s Days. Time flies when you look backwards. On Sunday there were flowers on the dining room table and Lindt chocolates in my inbox. Now that’s inspiration to keep the inbox processed. At church the youth had made little crown candles out of aluminum cans. I was busy when they handed them out and Stephan failed to get one for me. I thanked him. He knew for me it would just mean another thing to find a home for, another thing to dust and dispose of. After a lunch I didn’t cook, I enjoyed some fresh air with my son as we drew numbers on the parking lot and counted pushes on the swing. Happy weather does wonders for the spirits, but it wasn’t just the sun that made me profoundly grateful for the moment as I realized the best Mother’s Day gift of all is my family. (It’s Mother’s Day, let me have a little cheese, thank you.) Vivienne pooped three times for me, and they were gifts to me because I was starting to worry about her constipation. Hey, when you have a being that takes so much out of you, you have to find gifts where you can! Of course her smiles and ability to sleep are huge gifts to this grateful mama! Joseph started giving me spontaneous kisses even though I’ve had to reduce his nursing sessions to once a day due to breast trouble (I’m feeling better, thank you). Kids will be kids and babies are always adorable, but the reason I can enjoy their energy and neediness rather than resent the toll it takes on me is mostly due to the fact that I am supported so well by my husband.
The transition to parenthood didn’t come naturally for us and we’ve had some low points. A little over a year ago I told Stephan I was tired of telling him what I needed. He left the house and I was sure I’d just destroyed our marriage, but he came back in moments later with wild flowers freshly picked. Those were the most expensive flowers in the world, paid for with love and sacrifice and complete devotion even in dark times. Fast-forward a year and rather than feeling exhausted with serving I feel energized to serve. One plus one is so much more than two. You can’t demand respect and you can’t buy trust, but when they grow naturally they are uniquely powerful. I am more thankful than I can express for how we have worked through the problems that have come up along the way. Problems in marriage that are allowed to fester are nasty ugly things. I am so thankful that we can share our vulnerability and be treated with tenderness. I’m so thankful to our mothers that taught us devotion and love. Thanks for giving so much of yourselves so that we could become confident enough to be vulnerable, and secure enough to submit one to another. Thank you for modeling unconditional love to us. We love you!
Some people think I have it all together. Sometimes I’m one of them. Feeling a little bit prideful that I can go shopping with a baby and a toddler without a stroller or car, I went to Migros with V on my back and J walking at my side while I rolled a shopping bag with the other free hand. We’ve done this many times before. I don’t carry a diaper bag, just a little wallet, the grocery list and my keys. We do our shopping with Joseph in the grocery cart and my wheeled shopping bag parked at the store entrance/exit. After paying, Joseph plays in the play place with balls while I pack up our stuff and return the cart. When it’s time, we all go home. Today, however, Joseph showed no interest in going home. I had to fetch him at the back of the play area, navigating my way through balls with a baby on my back. Well, good thing she was on my back, because I would have had to leave her alone in the stroller otherwise! I had trouble getting Joseph home at all today. I think we’re entering those “twos” everyone talks about. “Let the Baby Drive” calls them the “terribly polite twos” and I agree. Joseph is such a cutie when he says “mo meat pleeeasi mommy,” but then if he has to take the ramp and not the stairs, it’s a crisis of epic proportions. I even let him take the tunnel (underpass) on the way home since he was a trouper once we got away from those temping stairs (I’ve got a cart full of groceries, remember!) but he flips when I actually want to leave the tunnel and go home. We finally arrive at our apartment and I realize I don’t have my keys. With a sinking feeling I realize that the clever idea of hanging them on the grocery cart to entertain Joseph while we shop is not so clever after all. I’ve got an awake baby who’s ready to be free of the wrap and a tired toddler who took ages to get home in the first place, and no keys. I pray that someone’s car is in the lot, indicating hope that someone is home. It’s empty. Even if there were someone home to let me in we’d have to settle in the laundry room until Stephan could let us in our door. “At least I know where they are,” I think. “I’m sure someone has turned them in by now. We just have to go back and get them.” The Migros is only 4 minutes away at adult walking pace, so with Vivienne still on my back I pick Joseph up and explain we have to go back to Migros. “back Migros” he parrots as people stare at me with my five-finger shoes, a baby whose head is hanging out of the wrap because she wants her freedom and a toddler clinging to my neck. Still calm, I ask at the desk if someone has found keys. Nope. She’ll call the head office of the shopping complex. I wait with baited breath. “Sorry,” she says, and that’s that. I say I’ll wait a bit and Joseph settles into one of those pay-per-ride cars while I take Vivienne out of the wrap to nurse her. The gravity of the situation starts to sink in. We have no food, no diapers, no cell phone, no numbers. The only number I know is our landline, and I only know that because we took our Basel number with us. I’m the mother, I’m suppose to be prepare for things like this. Mental note, drop everything and make an emergency card - once I find my keys, of course . . . and write a blog post about it . . .
Joseph makes a bee-line out the door while I’m sitting outside the restrooms nursing Vivienne. Thankfully he obeys my order to come back and he asks for the mommy milk I’d been promising to motivate him to get home. Feeling a little helpless, I put Vivienne on the chair next to me and nestle her a bit in folds of the wrap. Keeping one hand on her to keep her from falling on the hard floor I nurse Joseph. People smile happily at me as they pass by and I scan their cart for a pair of dangling keys. Nobody knows how helpless I feel. “What am I doing to do if I don’t find them, God?” Good thing Stephan comes home for lunch these days. At the least we can camp outside the door until he arrives expecting lunch warm and ready . . .
I ask again at the desk. Still nothing. I leave my number and plan to let Joseph play in the balls some more while I look around. On the way out I notice the Kiosk (a newsstand type place located just at the entrance to the Migros) lady has no customers at the moment. On a whim I ask her if anyone has turned in some keys. She turns back to her desk and with a patronizing look hands me my keys explaining that I had hung them on a cart and a customer had seen them and told her about it. I’m far to relieved to tell her that she should have given them to customer service, either for Migros or for the shopping complex it’s a part of. Joseph gets to take the stairs and I carry him the rest of the way home. We even get lunch ready in time for Stephan’s arrival. Praise the Lord, and now it’s time to work on that emergency card. (And next time I won’t hang my keys, and I’ll try not to forget my watch and cell phone, which I manage to remember only about 50% percent of the time . . .)
We all know that getting angry, or annoyed, or judgmental, or impatient, or any number of things that we do each day is not good or helpful, but it is quite another story to change your attitude in the middle of the chaos of the day. I found this little list from the Be More with Less blog, and though there is much in the original post that I don’t find quite sound, this has helped me a great deal in that it gives me a concrete, simple way to replace a negative thought with a positive one in the midst of it all. I’m not sure that there’s anything terribly profound in it, or that the list is made of perfect pairings, but at this point in my life it helps, so I’m posting it. The first three are the biggest helps. Simple choices, huge effects!
Shift your Energy
- from being right to being quiet.
- from being annoyed to being grateful.
- from being angry to being joyful.
- from being rushed to taking time.
- from eye roll to hug.
- from scowl to smile
We now have a calendar posted in the kitchen for writing down cute things. Thanks for the idea, Sarah! The only problem is, I can’t decipher Stephan’s notes, but here are mine.
April 14th Joseph does a summersault on the couch by himself. He can’t do it on a harder surface yet. I think the give helps him get over the top, but he’s getting there!
April 18th Joseph is really starting to be able to spin things on his own, and he loves it! He wants to be just like his daddy, who is always spinning things for him.
April 19th Joseph can pull his pants down himself, even over his little bottom.
April 20th Joseph counts with me to 30 as we put away blocks. We take turns putting a block away and saying the count. He says something like four-tee, dice-tee (14, 15) and in the twenties he says tee-one tee-two etc.
April 23rd Joseph asks me for his alphabet stamps that he got for Easter from his godmother. He says “ah-bah da” (alphabet stamps), I look at him and before I can respond he says “ci-ci ba ‘way” (city blocks away). I tell him he is right, he needs to put his city blocks away first and then he can have his alphabet stamps. I think to myself “This kid knows the drill” and then I look behind the couch and he as already put his city blocks away! He got his alphabet stamps on the double and with a good heaping of praise.
April 24th Joseph holds up his X stamp and says “x xenosaur” because that’s what’s in the sign language book.
April 25th Joseph counts to 20 all by himself while putting away blocks. That means he did it without visual cues and didn’t skip or repeat any numbers. Later I took a video and he got mixed up a bit, but perfection takes practice!
April 27th Vivienne rolls over from back to tummy (over right arm, without diaper). Also on this day both kids go to sleep around 10:30 and it’s 12:10 and I’ve gotten a nap, some chocolate and written a blog post. Miracle! It was good timing, Joseph has been getting up before 6 recently, and we’re all a bit tired. With sleep, chocolate and sunshine, life’s looking rosy!
Friday the 13th may be unlucky, or maybe not. Both kids are sleeping at the same time(!) so there’s a moment for a blog post!
March 29th: Joseph knows a number of colors in both languages (blue, green, yellow, white, brown, pink and red). Today I got to work in the garden! After the terribly depressing disaster last year, I decided to ask for help this year. God answered the prayers of two ladies in our church. One wanted a piano teacher and the other wanted garden help. They happened to meet over lunch one day and learn of the other’s needs and - voila! - match was made. My new friend helped me put some order in the chaos of a plot we have and most importantly gave me information and motivation to do work on it during the week. I don’t mind work, but working hard knowing all the while it might be the wrong thing is not so much fun. That week I had a blast since I had confidence I was at least close to doing what’s needed. Our landlord brought a truck of compost for the rest of the grounds and let me have some for the garden, too. That was quite nice of him. Now I have lettuce and onions planted and the raspberries are no longer in a jungle. Two more beds are ready for planting and one is on its way. However, it snowed on Easter and has been coooold ever since, so growth is slow and garden work is on hold.
March 30th: The video of Joseph looking at his owls might give you the impression I want to make him a child prodigy by cramming facts down his throat. Even if I wanted to, I’m not organized enough to give him that kind of opportunity. The only time he gets to see his owls is when he asks for them, and most of the time I make him do some work before he gets to see them. I do this because he asks for owls when I’m on the computer and this buys me some time to wrap up what I’m doing. Today Joseph asked for the owls and I said “First put away your number puzzle and then you may see the owls.” Well, he marched right back to the other room and sat down and worked on his numbers until it was all done. It has numbers zero to 20, plus, minus, times, divide, greater-than, and equals. He talked to himself as he did it and it took him some time, but he did it all by himself and without any more prodding than my first command. He got an extra long time with his owls that day. J
April 2nd: Vivienne has the cutest smile that is a bit flat in the middle of the lower lip so that there are two corners on her lower lip before the corners where the upper and lower lips meet. I don’t know if that makes sense. We’re trying to get a picture of it.
Joseph loves helping with the dishes. He wasn’t to do dishes if there are no dishes to be done. He’ll take the clean ones out of the dry-rack if he has to . . .
April 5th: Working at the computer I got a fright as I heard something landing in the toilet. I rushed over to see which toy Joseph had dumped in, but was pleasantly surprised to find he was dumping his own pee in the toilet! He had taken off his pants and diaper by himself, sat on his little pot and then dumped it in the toilet without a spill. EC with Joseph has been about nothing since Vivienne’s birth, but if we ever find the time to work on him with toilet training, I bet he’d catch on quickly. He is again back to telling us when he has to poo, so it seems much of the battle is won already. These might be famous last words, as I have no experience toilet training a toddler!
Joseph loves talking about “Joseph’s X” wither it is his nose, his airport, his tower, or that he is in the act of doing something “Joseph swing.” He also says “Joseph turn” when he wants to do something that I’m doing. This comes from me saying “Wait, it’s Mommy’s turn. Okay, now it’s Joseph’s turn.” Oh how excited he was to clean the toilet after me this morning. Lol
April 6th we went to a Good Friday service at the Catholic church. Joseph sat quietly the whole time, only once getting up to grab a song book and return to his seat to flip through it. Vivienne mostly slept on my back. How amazing! (They weren’t nearly that good for the Easter service, just in case you think my life is easy . . .)
April 7th I had planned nothing for my 30th birthday, since I like to be lazy and not plan, but friends of mind offered to come over, and I’m glad they did. Stephan cooked dinner and we played Dominion until all hours of the night (okay, okay, it was just 10:30). It was very much fun to ignore my responsibilities and play a game. Movies, games, long sessions of book reading. It all seems like a distant dream . . . but real life with two under two is much more exciting than any movie! Still, it was nice to take a flashback to a previous life and enjoyed strategizing. I could tell the brain is slower now, though . . .
April 12th I took the kids to Zurich to visit their cousin who had just turned one. We had a great time watching the kids all together. What fun! It was also an uneventful trip. Joseph excitedly played in the kid area of the train complete with a slide! By excited, I mean arms flapping up and down excited. He takes after his mother . . .
Vivienne fell asleep in my arms. Really. In all the din of kids playing and me belting out orders to Joseph, she just fell asleep and stayed asleep until it was time to get off the train. Amazing. (Okay, so when we got home they both screamed for a while.) She also sleeps 4-5 or even 6 hours for the first night stretch. Now if only her brother wouldn’t wake up in that time I’d be rolling in sleep! The other amazing things she does is go to sleep with me. In the evening, when I’m ready for bed, I just take her to bed with me and she tosses a bit, and maybe sucks a bit (but then maybe not and never for long) and just falls asleep while I’m lying there. No rocking, no pacing, no soothing, no much of anything. People who have that kind of baby and never had a Joseph kind of baby cannot appreciate what they have. I didn’t think Joseph was particularly bad, just that mothering was hard and about killed me the first three months. Vivienne also seems to genuinely like me. She smiles at me and calms down when I pick her up. I did not get the feeling Joseph liked me until he was a year. It’s not that he didn’t like me, it’s just that he just wanted his needs fulfilled and then was off to something else. Vivienne seems happy just to be with me, which is lovely! As I’ve written this Vivienne woke up, nursed a bit, and is now happy on the floor alone. Okay, so this morning she cried for an hour and I don’t know why, but I can handle that occasionally. It’s such a blessing that it’s not like that every day and every night! Oh, and she sleeps in until 7:30 or 8. Joseph has done that maybe 8 times in his life . . . so, thanks to Stephan who gets up early with Joseph I get to sleep in a little sometimes, too! But even though she’s easy, I shouldn’t ignore her. It’s time for quality time with Vivienne before Joseph wakes up. Hope you all had a blessed Easter!
The smell of freshly made grape nuts fills the air. Our two-year old and two-month old who were both born at home are asleep for the night in our bed. The baby settled down nicely after going #2 in the toilet. Freshly planted herbs decorate our kitchen balcony and lettuce and onion are planted in the plot outside. Our home-made yogurt is running low so tomorrow’s schedule includes a walk to the farm to pick up some raw milk. The baby will be wrapped on my back and the toddler will walk until he gets tired at which point he can sit in our posh stroller made for two. Walking is a good way to entertain a kid when you have no TV. But more to the point, I made the granola that sits in our cupboard, too.
When did I get so “granola?” A friend recently asked me who influenced me the most to make the decisions I have. I had a hard time answering. In high school, and maybe even college, I still thought granola was just a breakfast cereal. Strangely, I don’t identify much with anything that looks like a movement. I’ve always gotten a bit of a thrill out of doing things differently, though I did realize already in elementary school if you always do the opposite of what’s in fashion you are just as much a slave of fashion as its followers. Still, I have to admit I get a buzz from shocked expressions. That bit of pride in being different helps me get through the lonely existence of being different. Fortunately, the are so many more things that I have in common with most everyone that it doesn’t matter too much that I do things so differently in a few areas. I’ve learned not to talk so much about where I’m different and just let it come out when it happens naturally in the course of life. It helps that I can’t sound intelligent when I try to explain myself anyway because I have to do it in German. Living in a foreign country is quick way to get some home-grown humility.
I’m not sure where I’m going with this post. I plead mommy-brain. In the end, I answered my friend thus: my mom, my sister. Their ideas and their beliefs resonated with me. I think I make my decisions on my own, but really, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. I’m not sure how I got here, and I’m not sure where I’m going. I’m just trying to be the best wife, the best mother, and the best child of our Heavenly Father that I can be. I’m always thinking of ways I can do better. I have all my life. I’ve changed a lot for the better, but God can always be counted on to bring me back down on my knees as I face how impossible it is to lift oneself up by the boot straps. The times I’m flat on my face aren’t exactly enjoyable, but I somehow treasure the dance of working hard to do better, making great progress but always coming face-to-face sooner or later with my complete inadequacy to do it myself. Falling isn’t fun, but it makes God’s grace and provision all the sweeter. The one who’s run a marathon enjoys water and rest more than the rest of us. I strive, I fall, I’m lifted up. My strivings cease and I rest in God. My worth comes not from what I do or who thinks I’m swell or a swine, but from Jesus, who covers me in worth because He is so full of worth. The moment is sweet, but then the next day comes with all its chores and challenges. We’re not meant just for rest. We must carry on with our work, and with our striving. I used to think this periodic rhythm was wrong - that I should somehow perpetually be in a state of rest in God without struggling on my own two feet, but now I’m not sure. Is it possible that such give and take is necessary for our growth in this life on earth?
This mommy-brain musing must end. I need to go join those two angels in our bed. God bless you all in your own dances of work and rest.
I have a hard time knowing what’s important to record and what’s not. I find myself impressed Joseph’s accomplishments and I need a place to share EC success, so it seems those topics dominate the blog, but I have too much going on to really think about what I want to be getting down. For now, something is better than nothing. If you have ideas of things you were glad you recorded, or wish you had, and in what format, or if there are things you’d like to know about what we’re up to, please comment with your suggestions!
March 18th: Vivienne was sleeping diaperless on my chest while I was watching cleaning videos (Aunt S’s fault). I was impressed with us both that even though I was distracted by the videos, I noticed when Vivienne woke up to pee, and after she went in an appropriate place she went back to sleep peacefully. I know, I know, more EC blather . . .
March 20th: Vivienne rolled from back to tummy on our couch that has a slight incline. She got over completely, even freeing her pinned arm. Go Vivienne! The next day she rolled over on a flat surface, but never managed to free her arm.
March 24th: Joseph put his right shoe on correctly without any help. Now he has new shoes that are even easier to put on.
March 25th: Total EC success! Move on to March 26th if you don’t want to hear it . . .
The day almost couldn’t have gone better, so make note that not every day with EC is this easy. That’s why I want to report it! Vivienne woke up not too long before we had to go to church (the time change helped that). I put her on the couch while I got other things ready in hopes of catching some morning pees before I imprisoned her in a disposable diaper and cute clothes (thanks, Heather! She’s in the 6-month outfit already!). Sure enough, I got two pees easily and then I packed her up and put her on my back so we could walk to church as a family. Joseph likes to hold our hands as we walk and then do the counting himself for when we lift him in the air to give him a boost with his walking. It’s so cute, but he still forgets eight a lot! (We starting making him count higher and higher in order to get a lift. What’s life without a challenge?) Anyway, Vivienne slept most of the service, then woke up, had a nurse (she’s pretty fast now) and then I thought I’d try to catch her after-nap pee. She want as soon as I got her on the toilet! She was then happy and awake after church so everyone could admire her beautiful smiles. I sensed she needed to go again and waited until I could excuse myself from conversation and get to the bathroom. We were detained by a bathroom conversation during which I undressed her but didn’t feel comfortable taking her into the stall while the lady I was talking with was still watching. Still, with all the waiting, she held it until we were on the toilet and then went right away. Maybe this is what people mean when they say EC is easier when you’re out and about. We got home from church and I’d caught every pee since her morning awakening! We didn’t stay home long before we took off walking to the home of church folks who live in the area. Again, Vivienne was bundled on my back and just as we arrived she started fussing. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to get her to the toilet in time, but I did catch a later pee. While we were having dessert and Stephan was holder Vivienne he sensed she need to poo, but I wasn’t sure of the urgency so I tried nursing her first. I sensed he was right, so took her to the toilet and she did her business where business ought to be done. Our hosts were none the wiser as each time it looked like I was changing her diaper in the bathroom, though they might have thought I changed it too often. So, all day we used three disposable diapers. I think plenty of people do that without EC, so we have a way to go yet when thinking about the environment, but if this continues, using cloth when we’re out and about won’t be so much of a problem. Plus, two of those diapers were worn a while and only had one pee, and the rest went to the sewer and not the landfill (or the burning site, which is what I think happens to our trash). So, I have renewed excitement for EC. Some days it just works so easily without even trying.
March 26th: Vivienne smiles and coos and is just such a delight. What great big smiles, but I can’t catch them on camera just yet. Joseph can screw together his Haba toys with a little effort.
I finished our US taxes. I’ll spare you various complaints, but I’ll report a problem Stephan’s brother ran into. If your child is not a US citizen (or resident or a few other technical things) then you cannot claim him as a deduction on your US tax return. Do you realize how many US citizens living abroad have children who do not hold citizenship? Lots! The US is quite helpful, they simply sate “generally if you are a US citizen your children are, too.” Great, and if not? Well, tough luck! The US is really rather crazy. I won’t even mention how the exchange rate gave us a tremendous raise this year . . . Oh, one more thing, I can’t resist. According to the definitions, our move to Emmen wasn’t a justifiable move because Stephan’s commute would not have increased more than 50 miles if we’d kept our old place. That number might work in the US, but in Switzerland, it would be crazy to commute that far! Okay, people do it, but they have cars and burn lots of CO2. We use public transport and Stephan bikes to work. For that, we get penalized because we can’t justify our move as due to a job change. Gotta love it. But we’re STILL looking forward to our visit to the US this summer!
Oh, and Joseph calls me “Mommy” now! I’m thrilled!
March 8th: Joseph counts from zero to 12 in Swiss German while pointing to the numbers of his number puzzle. (Up until now it’s mostly been English for me.)
14th: Joseph counts from zero to ten in Swiss German for memory (no visual aids) without skipping eight, as is often his habit.
15th: Joseph says “Mama say cheese” (how he says cheese is hard to write) then I’m pretty sure the next part was “Joseph say kääs.” It was clearly cheese in Swiss German, but the “Joseph says” was unclear. He has since experimented with this. It is the phrasing I use when he asks me to identify things in different languages. I say “Mommy and Grandma say X, die Deutschen sagen Y, und Bappe sagt Z.”
He took my keys, managed to get them in the door (quite a stretch!) and turned them a bit.
Vivienne has the greatest smile and silent laugh. She is so precious. She often goes down for morning naps peacefully on her own – I appreciate having that much more time since I don’t have to carry/nurse her to sleep every time like I did with Joseph. She hold her feet up high when on her back. I’m convinced the diaper free time has a lot to do with her ability since no bulk is in her way. She’s discovered her right fist – I caught her staring at it.
Last night (16th) Stephan was holding Vivienne and he let out some loud gas. Stephan thought it was the real deal but I encouraged him to take her to the toilet. A few minutes later he came back saying that’s SO much easier than changing a diaper! He caught it all, too, she didn’t have more later as is often the case. I’m thrilled my husband is on the diaper-free bandwagon as well! For a number of days now she’s been diaper free all day except for our walk. I haven’t figured out away-from home EC yet, though she has pooed on foreign toilets while we were at someone else’s place for a visit. In those cases I don’t plan to EC, but when she makes it clear, I can’t just sit and watch her go in her diaper, so I take her to the bathroom and people are none the wiser. Unless of course I can’t keep it a secret and announce to everyone what she did when we come back . . . I hate wearing my every thought on my sleeve. Sometimes being in a foreign country is a good thing for learning to hold the tongue. It takes more energy to formulate the thought in German and it’s often the time I need to realize that it might be so important for people to know about my daughter’s poo. Blog readers, on the other hand, aren’t so lucky . . .
I’ve found a ditty to sum up the “how are you doing” question. “When life is good it’s very, very good, and when it’s bad it’s horrid.” (Click on the link and you’ll see that it has an author and that I quite it wrong!) Horrid is too strong, but when being a mother overwhelms me, I’m in a bad state, so it feels pretty horrid, but most of the time life is very, very good (or very good indeed, as the original goes), so I feel it sums things up rather well.
There are so many things to write I have no idea how to write them all but better write something than nothing at all.
We don’t have a car, but we have plenty of ways to get around. We recently got a fancy 3-wheel stroller that holds both kids but isn’t much bigger than our old stroller (thanks, G+G S!) so that’s great for brisk walks, short trips to the grocery store thanks to some storage at the bottom.
Of course we can walk and take public transportation. Joseph is turning into quite a good walker, and Stephan has a fancy backpack for carrying Joseph longer distances. I have a variety of wraps for carrying Vivienne. I recently figured out how to tied such a small baby on my back with my big wrap thanks to some internet research. I’m not comfortable doing the African tie I used with Joseph when he was older, but the back tie given with the Moby wrap isn’t good if babies don’t have head control (or so they say). But it makes little sense to wait until six months to put your baby on your back. The time is NOW that babies want to be with mommy all the time, and the house doesn’t wait and Joseph needs attention, too. Up until now I’ve been trying to get Vivienne to be more independent by training her to fall a sleep on her own (gently – not with cry-it-out) so I can get things done, but it’s so much nicer to just put her on my back and get on with work rather than hope she’ll stay down for a bit and get pulled away from my work all the time.
The other set of wheels we have is the bike trailer. Last Sunday the four of us took a practice spin along the air strip (not ON it!). Vivienne was in the baby-insert in the trailer and Joseph was next to her. Stephan pulled them and I rode behind. We did a 30min ride and they did great. At one point Vivienne started crying and Joseph reached over and patted her. At the end she was asleep and Joseph was calmly sitting there holding her hand. It was so sweet!
And there are still those times when a car is just the best option and then we can use a car with the car-sharing organization here, Mobility, which is also rather convenient and cheaper than renting a car for short trips. We have to put the car seats in each time, but we don’t have to clean it, or care for it, or worry about paying when it breaks down. Lovely!
That’s how we get around, and I’m so thankful that our normal activities mean we need to use our own legs – it’s such a pleasant way to get our exercise!
I’ve been bad about computer time and have even failed to take notes for a bullet update. The only thing I have is from January 19th. Joseph does the gestures we use during our afternoon devotional time. He calls Grandma “mama” so I have become “me” to distinguish. I have a feeling I’ve written this before.
Things are going really quite smoothly here. Joseph had been sleeping better, but the past two nights he’s woken up on his own screaming, and unfortunately, both times it’s been in the middle of a four-hour sleep stretch for Vivienne – the only one’s she’s had so far! I get a big grumpy sometimes, but mostly I’m able to keep a good attitude for my family and not feel so terribly exhausted like I was with Joseph.
Joseph is growing by leaps and bounds and is as charming as ever. He beams at strangers when we’re out and about and he very often points to his nose and says his name “ji-si.” He will sometimes pick up a toy set (like his crayons or a puzzle) cheerfully and right away if asked to. He will sometimes pitch a huge fit that ends in a long battle of wills. It is wonderful to is, it is a challenge to deal with. Having Vivienne means he is forced to do a lot more on his own and I am forced to teach him or at least to have the patience to wait for him to try to do things on his own. That is also exciting to see. He’s adding more and more words to his vocabulary in both Swiss German and English. He likes to show off a new skill right when we’re trying to discipline him. He doesn’t skimp on the cute face while saying it either . . .
At such a fun age, it’s hard not to let Joseph steal the show, but his sister is a charmer as well. Vivienne is so beautiful and cute and cuddly and I feel so close and connected to her especially as we experiment with EC together. I am amazed at the number of times I’m holding her while doing something else and not paying much attention to her at all but I still know quite easily when she has to relieve herself. It’s so obvious that it pulls my attention away from whatever I was doing. Of course, not every time she eliminates is it that obvious. I’m grateful for that or the nights would be terrible! I try to give her diaper-free time each morning after she wakes, but then she’s in diapers most of the day, but I still try for catches whenever it works out. That means most of her poos go in the toilet, sink or bowl, and a surprising number of pees, too. She still seems rather uncomfortable peeing in any position, but we’re figuring it out.
But Vivienne is much more than her elimination, sorry for dwelling on that. Still, it is such an important part of the work she does as an infant. She eats, she sleeps and she, well, poos and pees. Being aware of her elimination needs I’ve been able to notice that once she’s peed it all out after nursing she goes to sleep easily. If she’s still got pee in there she’ll fuss and squirm and won’t settle down with all the bouncing and patting and pacing in the world. Knowing that means I can be patient and keep peeing her or changing her wet diaper until she’s ready to sleep and it often meals she sleeps dry for a good while. I’m hoping to avoid the diaper rash that poor Joseph is sill struggling with (it’s been months now!).
But like I said, Vivenne is much more than the sum of her pees. He is a happy baby most of the time (that is, if I keep her clean and dry and take her to the potty when she wants it) and I enjoy caring for her. This morning she was fully clothed for church when she rolled over tummy to back. This afternoon she was diaperless on a couch with a slight incline. She rolled over tummy to back uphill!!! She can hold her head up and push up with her arms for a good minute before getting tired. She isn’t happy for too long on her tummy, but does a goes job with it. She sleeps best on her tummy, but is often on her side since I nurse lying down at night. During naps she is often on her back. Somehow I fell better with her able to sleep in many positions.
She looks super cute in her girl outfits, and once again I was slow to switch over to the next size clothes because the newborn phase is so short she hardly wore everything once!
Stephan and I have had a few tight moments working through the kinks until we find a good flow for being a family of four, but things have been going really quite smoothly. Joseph is missing his Grandma but he’s doing really well with all the changes. We got a fancy in-line stroller (that means two kids but not side-by-side) as a gift so now I can put them both in the stroller and do some shopping or take a walk, which is lovely. Vivienne still prefers the wrap, but it wonderful to be able to change things up.
Both kids are sill sleeping, it’s a miracle . . .
I’m writing this while one hand is holding my 3-week-old Vivienne. She’s nursing and she’s wearing a long sleeved shirt and wrapped in a blanket. She has no diaper and no pants. [Interruption – continued three hours later] Why did I think I’d be able to write a whole post one-handed without getting interrupted? Anyway, the point is I’ve been attempting to do more EC with Vivienne than I did with Joseph earlier on. I place a cloth under her bum and wrap a blanket around her to keep her warm in this chilly winter weather. [Interruption – continued three days later] I shouldn’t bother to be prolific. My kids don’t let me take the time. The point of starting this post was to say that Vivienne pooed right away on the toilet for me. Since I started this post she has done it numerous times and I am amazed how I can tell she needs to go even if Stephan and I are in intense discussion, and that I can carry her naked-bottomed from one room to the bathroom and she’ll wait to go until I have her in position and then go right away. It’s not always that easy, but it’s so much easier than I ever imagined it could be. I don’t often change a dirty diaper and when I do I am so thankful that most of her poos go in the toilet or the plastic bowl at the side of our bed. The best is discovering she likes the toilet position. She is even mostly happy peeing there (she hates peeing whether it’s in her diaper or in any other position). No wiping, no changing table fights, just *flush* and it’s gone! Poos are starting to get more infrequent at night, so some nights she hardly pees in her diapers at all but saves it for when I put her on the pot. Time to move on, this post must be done.
It’s hard to compare Vivienne with Joseph as a newborn. I’m used to not having a life already, so that makes it all seem so much easier. Of course Vivienne sleeps much more in the day than Joseph does, so that seems easy as well. I am able to nurse her without pain, so not only is feeding her easy, it also means I can calm her at the breast if need be so we don’t have the long crying bouts we had with Joseph. The nights are not easy as Joseph is still no used to her cries and wakes up upset and refuses to sleep and when he finally does Vivienne is up again, but that is getting slowly better, so hopefully this phase will end before we reach our limits. Amazingly, they sometimes nap at the same time in the afternoon and we can catch up on a few winks, which helps. Though that is the case mostly because Vivienne sleeps longer stretches during the day than at night, she’s still young. We will very much miss Grandma, who is willing to get up with Joseph at 6am and let us sleep with the baby a bit longer.
Vivienne’s birth splotchiness is gone and she is so beautiful! I’m enjoying this time with her and the family very much. She passed her birth weight on day 6!
I was all excited to start this baby with EC (Elimination Communication) early on and create an intimate bond between me and my baby that included output as well as input and I was thrilled that from the first two days Vivienne made it quite clear when she had to poo in the night so I’ve been consistently catching all her night-time poos (usually three) in a bowl, which I empty in the morning and I just throw on a new diaper right from bed because there’s very little mess. This was thrilling until the number of consecutive nights of only getting sleep chunks of less than two hours started catching up to me. I’ve starting trying to ignore her cues (fussiness and grunting) at night in hopes that I won’t have to sit up in bed and take care of her, but she will have none of it. She knows how nice it is to be rid of her excrement rather than sit in it and will wait until I finally decide to put her on the pot to go. It’s happened too many times that I’ve waited and then she’s gone right away on the pot for it to be coincidence. I’m hopping that she’ll soon not poo so often so I won’t end up cursing the day I learned about EC. Interestingly, I’m not as good about catching her day-time poos. It is also fun to see how much Stephan has grown as a father. He takes care of Vivienne like a pro and is more relaxed about it. He’s even happy pottying her and has already caught a few day poos.
So as babies go Vivienne is an easy baby. We couldn’t have hoped for things to go better than they have. We are profoundly thankful, though of course still tired as birth and infant care is never easy!
This week the list of things to be thankful for could and should go on and on, so I just went with the first things that came to mind.
- Our beautiful, healthy, happy, sweet, precious little baby girl. She brings such joy to our hearts!
- The after-birth pains are gone. There are plenty of things they don’t tell you about childbirth, and one of them is that the after-birth contractions get fiercer and stronger and more painful after each birth. I didn’t remember them with Joseph, but after going through labor and birth and you think it’s all over it is rather annoying to be woken up with contractions and cramps. Anyway, I’m thankful they are finished!
- My children have a wonderful daddy who loves them and holds them and plays with them. He’s also doing the cooking while I have “time off” for recovery. I’m plenty busy, but it is nice to have a break from the normal household tasks.
- With no stitches to heal I am feeling great!
- Grandma’s help with everything from dishes and laundry to taking care of Joseph in the morning so we can sleep in to being there for talking and sharing ideas to cleaning to taking Joseph and/or Vivienne for walks so we can have a break.
- My breasts are whole! Sorry if that is TMI, but with Joseph I was injured for a month and every feeding was excruciating. The fact that I can simply put Vivienne to the breast and look adoringly at her and let the mother-love flow is a blessing I treasure beyond expression.
- Did I mention I’m thankful that I AM NOT IN PAIN? Praise the Lord!
On January 21st, 2012 we welcomed a precious little girl into our family. Vivienne Linda Stücklin was born at home at 12:26pm. She weighed 3840g and was 53cm. We are a healthy and happy family and are so very thankful for all of God’s blessings and provisions. Pictures coming soon in the usual place. Birth story to come.
